Alexandra woke up slowly, knowing that something wasn’t right, but unable to determine the problem. She tried to look around, but it was too dark. She felt soft fabric covering her eyes, and assumed the sheet had somehow ended up over her face. She tried to reach over to remove it, and was aware that her arm wouldn’t move. She was still too drowsy to be alarmed, as she recognized the feeling of silk around her wrist. It only took another moment to realize that her other wrist was also secured, as were her ankles. She came awake quickly now, trying to mutter an expletive, only to find there was also something in her mouth, preventing speech. Panic took over instantly. She tried to cry out; she writhed and pulled at the restraints.
The panic held her tight, so that it took a moment to recognize the feeling of a hand stroking her cheek and the soft voice whispering soothing comments in her ear. Once she was aware of the other person, she tried to pull herself together. She took deep breaths, consciously forcing herself to inhale through her nose, aware that trying to breath through her gag could incite more panic. Whatever was happening, she was alert enough to know that passing out from lack of oxygen wasn’t going to help.
The hand continued to stroke her hair and face, and the voice continued to mutter soft soothing sounds until she was calm enough to hear it. She tried to ask what was happening, but obviously that was no help. But the attempt to articulate seemed to indicate to the other person that she was calm enough to listen. His voice was barely above a whisper, making it impossible to tell who it might be. He began slowly, continuing to touch her gently as he spoke.
“Alexandra, please be calm. You have nothing to be afraid of, I promise you. I want you to remember something extremely important. Are you listening to me, my sweet?”
She tried not to panic again as the word, “yes” failed to form.
He felt the panic again and held his body closer to her, “Just nod, love.” She did, slowly, surreptitiously testing her bonds.
“Good. This is what I want you to remember. I will not hurt you, in any way. If you fight, if you try to cry out, no matter what you do, I will not hurt you. Like now, I can tell you’re testing the scarves holding your wrists and ankles.”
She froze. Her silk scarves; that’s what he had used to tie her to the bed. And they were knotted carefully, with just enough give to be comfortable, but not enough to allow her to work them loose.
“I’m not going to hit you, threaten you or do anything to prevent you from testing them further. Though, I hope you realize that if you push them too far you could cause some discomfort to your arms and legs. As I said though, I will not hurt you, no matter what. Do you understand?”
She nodded her head slowly. She couldn’t decide if she believed him or not. The truth was, she had no good reason to believe him, but something in his voice held such sincerity, it was hard to doubt the words.
“That’s good.” She thought she could hear a smile in his voice, and his hand cupped her cheek with incredible tenderness. “Forgive me, my sweet. I thought of so many ways to reach out, to touch you, but I dismissed them all, until this was all I had left. You know me, Alexandra. You see me, nearly every day, and every day, I long to touch you. Every day I long to run my fingers through your soft hair, the way I’m doing now. Every day I ache to tell you; to tell you how beautiful you are, and how much I want to make you smile. But I’ve been so afraid.”
She tried not to listen, not to be moved by his words, but the pure timber of his voice held her attention.
“I’ve watched you, not stalker watching exactly, just watching. I’ve seen men try to get close to you, just try to have a conversation. I’ve seen the way you hold them at arms length, even the ones who seem to be OK. I’ve seen the cold and distant way you talk to them, never showing the soft and kind nature you show when you’re not being flirted with. You’re so genuinely sweet, as long as the person you’re talking to isn’t trying to get too close. It breaks my heart. And so I kept myself from pouring my heart out to you. I’ve stopped myself a thousand times, just as I’m about to kneel before you like some stupid hero from a novel, and pledge my heart and soul to you. I try not to watch, I try not to think about you. But even when I force myself, you invade my dreams. “
His hands were roaming a little more now, exploring her shoulders, her throat, softly passing over arms to tickle the palm of her outstretched hand. She tried not to react, tried not to notice what his hands were doing. But she couldn’t ignore his body, stretched out beside her. She couldn’t ignore the way he cleaved to her side, and how she could feel his strong chest each time he sighed.
“And so, I finally chose this course. I hope, one day, that you’ll understand. I’m going to make love to you Alexandra.”
The alarm took over again, she struggled against her bonds. She couldn’t entirely understand the panic. It was true that he wasn’t trustworthy, but she still believed him when he said he wouldn’t hurt her, and she had tested her bonds enough to know that struggling wasn’t going to accomplish anything. He began to stroke her face again, shhing her, as he pulled himself closer to her. He held her tenderly, begging her not to cry, not to be afraid. As she finally forced herself to calm down, she began to understand her fear. She wasn’t afraid he would physically hurt her, she was afraid of the pain of what he was trying to offer her. She was afraid of the emotional pain she’d felt too often in the past. It was the same reason she’d rejected men out of hand, something he clearly knew about.
When she settled beside him, he carried on with their strange one-way pillow talk. “My beauty, please don’t be afraid. All I want to is to touch you, to please you. All I want is to give you joy and tenderness. I beg you to understand,” He set his cheek against hers, and she thought she felt tears on his face, “I beg you to trust me. I promise you, I would sooner die than hurt you, in any way. Give me your trust, give me your faith and I will give you pleasure like you have never known. I know you don’t have any reason to trust me, so I’m going to give you a reason. I’m going to prove that I mean what I say. Do not fear my darling.”
He kissed her cheek softly, and then he began to kiss down her neck. She was aware of the sheet covering her body slipping out of place, as his hands slid down her sides. She tried to ignore the feeling of his hands on the sides of her breasts, his legs against hers, and especially of his mouth, as it slid down the side of her throat, to kiss the soft hollow where her neck and shoulder met. His fingers slid down, grazing over her naked hips. She thought briefly of the nightgown she had gone to bed in, but all thought was lost as his lips slid down to kiss the spot between her breasts. She tried not to make a sound, tried not to let him see how his touch affected her, but she felt him moan against her right breast as he heard her breath catch in her throat.
She began to panic again. She wasn’t afraid he would hurt her, she was afraid of the pleasure his body offered. She pulled at the restraints again, useless though it proved to be. This time he didn’t stop to soothe her, he just continued exploring her body. His fingers slid beneath her to softly squeeze her ass cheek as his mouth continued its assault on her breasts. He kissed and licked every inch of them, but he didn’t touch their sensitive peaks. His hands came down and slid along the back of her thighs, and then they moved up to run along the inside of them. Just as his finger tips slid back over her hips, he began to gently suck on her left nipple. Fire shot through her. This time she couldn’t stop her body from reacting, as she involuntarily arched her back, forcing the nipple deeper into his open mouth. He groaned again, sending shivers down her body, as he began to role her nipple between his tongue and the roof of his mouth. She stifled a moan. Her body might react, but she refused to let her mind acknowledge the pleasure verbally. She knew he could sense her holding back, but it didn’t stop him. He kissed his way over to her other breast. Soft feathering kisses, designed to make her blood boil.
His hands slid possessively over her waist as he took the other nipple into his mouth. Her back arched again, and again his mouth was wide, ready to receive the now rock hard peak. She was aware that her hips were writhing, though she was no longer sure if she was trying to avoid his touch or invite it. He released her nipple, allowing her breathing to even for a moment, but it again sped up as his mouth traced a path down her abdomen, across her stomach, his tongue dipping quickly into her belly button, and finally continued along her left hip. She could barely tell what his hands were doing now, as they grazed the inside of her knees, because his mouth was driving her mad. He wasn’t forceful, he wasn’t even possessive. He was reverent, treating her body like that of some goddess, one who deserved to be worshipped. As his lips traveled down the top of her right thigh, her hips bucked again, and she knew she was lost. There was no more thought of escape, no more worry of pain. The pleasure consumed her, and she didn’t care anymore. She began to let the moans out, slowly at first. With each sound that passed from behind her restrained lips, he moaned against her flesh again. It was as if every sound of pleasure from her felt twice as good to him.
Soon his kisses were bolder, encouraged by the reactions of her body and the sounds of joy that slipped from her. He kissed every bit of exposed flesh on her legs, never venturing too close to the soft curls between her thighs. He lifted her feet as far as the restraints would allow, and ran his fingers along her calves, his mouth tasting the front of her legs in a parallel path. The moans were becoming louder, despite the cloth over her mouth. She moaned and begged for more, though nothing coherent could be heard. Finally he began to kiss up along the inside of her thighs, making her breath catch again.
When he reached the triangle of softest flesh he nibbled even lighter. He kissed his way around her outer lips, and she tried not to scream in frustration and he softly licked her clit, and then moved away from it to tease her inner lips. She could feel his breath on her pussy, could feel the way his own breathing was labored. She could feel the tension in his hands as he spread her open and gazed at the beautiful flesh inside. Then, when she thought she couldn’t take another touch, she heard him moan loudly, “Oh forgive me, my love,” and then felt him bury his face in her. He was no longer tender, no longer teasing. He devoured her, tasting every place he could find. This time she did scream, though it sounded more like a gurgled mutter. When he flattened his tongue against her clit and lapped at her, she pushed herself harder against him. Then he slid his hands under her again, holding her ass firmly as he ate her pussy. He sucked on the clit, nibbling on it with his teeth. He traced the inside of her pussy with his tongue, and then he thrust his tongue inside of her. She tried to writhe, but he held her hips firmly as he spent what felt like an eternity tasting her.
She hardly noticed one hand slipping from beneath her, but she noticed the instant two fingers slid firmly inside of her, and she cried out again. He pulled his mouth from her, and she knew he was watching her face, as he slowly slid his fingers in and out of her. She moaned every time he entered her, and sighed each time they exited. He kissed the inside of her thigh again, “Come for me Alexandra. I want to feel you explode. I want to taste your pussy as your sweet juices come flowing out. Come for me, my love. Come.”
She moaned louder as he began to thrust harder. When he added a third finger she began to growl like some kind of animal. He teased her clit with his tongue again, as she continued to move her hips as much as she could; trying to match his strokes. As he felt her climax building, he sped up his fingers, pushing them as far inside of her as they could go. Then he sucked her clit into his mouth as hard as he could and slammed his fingers inside of her. She fell over the edge, crying out as she came, her pussy tighten like a vice around his fingers as the climax shot through her in waves. He didn’t stop his assault on her pussy. He continued to such on her clit and thrust his fingers in and out of her, forcing the climax to continue for what felt like forever. He groaned in triumph against her pussy as he felt her shudder again and again. Her muffled cries continued, unabated, for several minutes, until he slowed his fingers and eased the pressure on her clit. Finally he held his fingers still in her, relishing the continued pulsing around them, as her breathing finally slowed and her shudders subsided.
When he felt all the tension leave her body, he slipped his fingers out of her pussy and slowly kissed his way up her body. His hands caressed her gently, touching her anywhere he could reach, as he again stretched himself out beside her, and rested his mouth against her shoulder. His own breathing was labored, but his body seemed to scream its own pleasure, though she knew he hadn’t yet had his own release. He kissed his way to her mouth, and then applied just enough pressure to the cloth covering it, so she could feel his kiss. She didn’t even think of turning her head away. She pressed her mouth against his, begging with her actions to have her lips free to kiss him. But instead his mouth traveled up to her ear. He whispered softly, and she shivered as she felt his breath against her earlobe.
“My darling, I ache to be inside of you. Every inch of my body is crying out to touch you. Please my love, please?”
She understood instantly. This was one thing he wouldn’t do without her consent. He would give her pleasure, but he would take none for himself, so long as she resisted even a little. Her own body was already in agony again, desperate to feel him, all of him. She only hesitated a moment, too lost in all the sensations around her. Finally she turned her head, resting her forehead against his, and nodded. Again he groaned against her, as he slid his body on top her hers. He reached down to play with her pussy again – teasing her back into a heavily fevered state – but she groaned and writhed, wanting more. Finally, when he couldn’t take another second, he plunged himself into her, burying his cock in her heat.
She let out a cry of pleasure, and he was lost. She felt it. He had held himself in check, coaxing her pleasure from her, but now all control was gone. He thrust into her with abandon, and she relished it. He pounded his cock into her pussy so hard it almost did hurt, but that slight pain only enhanced the pleasure as he filled her again and again. Every time he buried himself to the hilt she cried out again. She pulled against her bonds again, this time aching to slide her hands into his hair, to wrap her legs around his waist, and pull him closer. He was vaguely aware, for just a moment, that she might be hurting herself by struggling. But all thought was gone as he once again buried his cock in her tight pussy.
His strokes become more firm, more forceful, and faster. She knew he was close, and she clenched her pussy around him, begging for his release, knowing it would bring her another. The additional pressure made him even wilder. He held her hips firmly against the mattress and he plunged into her again and again, faster and harder, their moans echoing each others each time he entered her. Finally he thrust deep and cried out as he began to come. She could feel his cock pulse, but she was aware that she couldn’t feel his come pouring into her. She realized that, even when he had full control, and his pleasure might’ve been more if he hadn’t used a condom, he still insisted on protecting her. The surge of joy in that thought gave her made her climax again. He groaned again as he felt her pussy contract around him, and he seemed to come again and again. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he collapsed on top of her, spent. Small spasms continued inside of her, but she sighed, fulfilled in a way she didn’t know was possible.
After a moment he slid off of her, curling against her side. She thought of asking him to remove her restraints, so she could fit her body beside his, but before she could imagine how to communicate this, she fell into a deep satisfied sleep.
When she woke the next morning, her body was free, and he was gone. He left the scarves draped across the back of the chair, with a beautiful orchid lying on top of them, so she would know it was not all a dream. Though her body was all the proof she needed of the night. She was deliciously sore all over – each twinge a reminder of him and his tender care – and her body craved more of him.
She thought of his touch as she showered, as she ate breakfast, as she walked to work, stopped for coffee, and all the rest of the day. She was confused and frustrated. She knew she shouldn’t want him, shouldn’t yearn for him, but she did anyway. For days she thought of him, looked for him, though she doubted she could pick him out of a crowd. Every smile from a stranger made her wonder, and suddenly she found herself smiling back at men who admired her. She laughed at jokes with coworkers, and she flirted a little with the office letch. She felt so much more alive, so much freer, and she knew it was because of what he had given her.
But as the days, and especially the nights, went on, she wondered if she would ever feel his touch again. She dreamt of him every night, and she realized how desperately she wanted to know him. She wanted to talk with him, to share her thoughts and feelings with him, she wanted to curl against him on the couch and bat his hands away as he tried to distract her from a movie. She knew it was crazy, that it made no sense. She knew she should hope he never came to her again, but her heart and her body wouldn’t listen to the logic.
One morning, a week after his visit, she awoke to find a piece of paper lying beside her on the bed. When she began to read it, her heart sang.
Forgive me for my silence through the passing days, but I knew I had to give you time to think about what we shared a few nights ago. I ache for you every moment since I last touched you. I can’t stop thinking of the soft feeling of my hands on your hips, or the sensation as your silky hair falls through my fingertips. I pray that your memories of that night are as enchanting as my own.
First, my darling, I must offer an apology to you. Not for that night, I can’t bring myself to regret it, no matter how wrong the act of invading your room might have been. No my love, it is something else I must apologize for. I broke my promise to you, just moments after I made it. I lost control in the final moments of our love-making. My body took over, and I was adrift in the sensations of you. It is no excuse for my rough treatment of your body, but I must at least offer you an explanation. I may never forgive myself for the pain I must have caused, but I hope that one day you will let me make it up to you.
Second, it is time for me to reveal myself to you. I don’t know what your reaction will be. It is possible that you will have the police there, ready to arrest me. If that is the case, I will take any punishment they impart on me. If, after what we shared, you felt violated in any way, I will gladly go to prison for the rest of my life. I told myself, time and again, that I was only giving you joy. I told myself my motives were pure enough to forgive my methods. If you do not agree, if I have harmed your heart or soul in any way, I will accept the consequences of that.
The decision of our future is yours to make, and I will accept whatever you chose. When you leave today, I want you to wear the peacock blue scarf hanging in your closet. I will see you today, and if I see the scarf I will come to you. If you choose not to wear it, if you choose to put the night we shared into the back of your mind, I will never bother you again. I pray that is not the choice you will make, but I will accept it none the less.
If this is the last day I will look on your beautiful smile – a smile I have been privileged to see more and more of in the last few days – I will cherish the memory of our night forever. And I will hope that, in the future, you will find another who can make your heart sing, as mine does when I think of you.
Alexandra read the letter three times, pouring over every word carefully and reverently. She thought about the scarf, the one so beautiful she had been drawn to buy it, but with colors so bold she never dared to wear it. She also thought about what he had said about the police. She knew that she should call them, that she should have reported the events of that night the next morning. But she couldn’t bring herself to do it.
She knew some would call what he’d done rape. But she knew what rape really was. She knew it was the attempt to control and dominate another. She recalled vividly the night she’d almost suffered that fate, at the hands of a man who followed her from a bar, insisting she had been coming on to him. That night, more than any other in her life, had led her to become the closed and cold person she had been…until he had touched her. What that man had tried to do in the parking lot, before a lucky kick to the groin allowed her to escape, was to take his own pleasure in her body, with no regard for her own needs or feelings.
Her lover had tried to do no such thing. He had held his own needs and desires in check, treating her body like a delicate and precious thing. He had hung on her every gasp, groaned to hear her every sound of pleasure. And even with all the joy he had given her, he had refused to take his own until she’d consented. How could the care he had shown her be wrong? How could she punish him for loving her?
She read again the apology in the second paragraph, and tried not to laugh at the sweet words there. How could he believe he had harmed her? How could he not have felt the reaction her body had to his loss of control. She had reveled in it, the fleeting pain overwhelmed by the unending waves of ecstasy. He thought he needed to make amends for the most intense pleasure she had ever experienced. She would have to make sure he knew that there was no apology to be made. She would have to make sure he knew what joy and bliss he had given her.
She hurried to the shower, having spent too much time reading and thinking on the letter. She rushed through her hair and make-up, only to find, when she saw the final result, that she’d never looked better. She looked like she had that morning, her hair full and loose about her head, the glow on her cheeks and the soft blush on her lips, as if they’d spent many hours caressing her lover’s. She dressed with care, putting on a blue flowing skirt that stopped just above her knee and a white silk tank. Then she pulled out the scarf, from its hanger on the end of the bar. She debated how to wear it, and finally she knew. As she left her house, a spring in her step, she swung her arms. The scarf flew in the winds as she did this, safely tied in a loop around her wrist.
The café was pretty busy when she walked in, but he’d been watching for a while, knowing that she usually came in around 7:30. She was running a little late. He wasn’t sure if that was good or bad, until he saw the scarf tied around her wrist. His heart exploded in joy. He tried to keep his feelings under wraps, but when he saw her radiant smile as she thanked the cashier, he was lost. She was here, she was wearing the scarf, and in such a way that he knew she was telling him everything he needed to know. She wanted him. Despite the mistakes he’d made, despite the mess he’d made of their night together, she still wanted him. He’d planned to be waiting outside her office building, holding another orchid, when she left work. He’d planned to let the anticipation build for both of them a little. As she walked out of the café he realized he couldn’t wait.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” his boss yelled at him as he took off his apron, preparing to run after her.
“I have to go; I’m feeling just lousy man. Sorry.” He knew it was a lame excuse, but if he didn’t go to her now, it would be very true.
“Bullshit, we’re busy as hell. You walk out of here and don’t come back!” He kept his voice down so the customer’s wouldn’t hear him.
He smiled at his boss, grabbed his duffel from behind the counter and said, “Then I won’t be back. Sorry man, but I have to go.”
He could feel his boss’ eyes burrowing into the back of his head as he ran out the door, but he was still smiling. It didn’t matter anymore. The only reason he hadn’t quit had been her. Seeing her every day, nothing else had been important. But now he didn’t need to be here to see her. He was going to see her beautiful face every day, and for the rest of his life if he had anything to say about it.
He ran in the direction of her office. He couldn’t see her, and he couldn’t move fast enough in the crowd of people on the way to their own jobs. He had gone a few blocks when he caught a flash of blue. He tried to move faster, eliciting nasty looks from some people as he shoved his way to her. He thought he saw her hair and decided this wasn’t working. He found the first street lamp he could and jumped up. He could see her clearly now, and she was barely a block away. She was moving too fast though, and he was afraid he’d lose her. He didn’t want to have this encounter in her office building…he had to stop her.
“Alexandra!” He yelled out, getting more dirty looks and more than a few smiles from the crowd of teenage girls who were passing by. She kept walking. “Alexandra!” he practically screamed, and he saw her stop. As she started to turn he jumped down and broke into a run. He didn’t see her scan the crowd, a look of hope on her face, before she turned to keep walking. He had bought the time he needed though. He came up to her just as she had started walking again. He didn’t stop to think; he just grabbed her arm and pulled her to a doorway so they would be out of the foot traffic.
She gasped as he grabbed her, but she didn’t pull away. When he stopped she practically fell into him. She put her hands to his chest to stop herself, and her face was down. His hands were on her arms and he could smell her hair. She kept her face down, even though she should’ve looked up by now, if for no other reason than to ask him what he thought it was doing. It took him a second to realize she was shaking. He waited patiently, but he did kiss the top of her head. He felt a shiver run through her body, and he heard her sigh, but she still didn’t look up. Just as he was about to say something he heard her whisper, “Please be him.” He smiled, and he felt like his heart was going to burst.
As he leaned in close, he let his hand trace her wrist, where the scarf was tied to it. Then he whispered in her hear, “My sweet.” She gasped and then let out a hard sigh. When she looked up, there were tears in her eyes, and the most incredible smile lit up her entire face. He returned the smile, tears in his own eyes. She reached up and cupped his cheek. He lay his hand over hers, holding it in place, and just watched the emotions dance across her eyes. After just a moment, she pulled her hand away, threw her arms around him and kissed him. He had never felt more alive than he did at this moment. He pulled her tight and returned the kiss with such fervor that he was almost crushing her lips. She didn’t seem to notice at all. She just kept kissing him. They were oblivious to the looks of passersby, some disapproving, but mostly they were wistful or jealous.
When he realized that if they didn’t stop they might end up getting arrested for public indecency, he pulled away, resting his forehead on hers. They were both breathing heavily, and her eyes were closed. He tilted her face up to his, and as she opened her eyes he knew what love looked like. The light that shone in her eyes was beyond captivating. He kissed her again, but softer, more tenderly. “I was going to wait until later, but when I saw you, and I saw this…” he fingered the scarf again.
She laughed and kissed him again, “If you’d waited I might never have forgiven you. When I saw your face in the café, I was almost sure, but how do you ask someone…” He laughed too and kissed her. They were in danger of losing control again when they heard her cell phone ring. She pulled away and reached for it. He put his hand over hers, stopping her just before she flipped it open, “You can’t be serious.”
She smiled, gave him a soft kiss on the hand and said, “Trust me.” He let go of the phone and she answered it.
He could hear a man on the other end, sounding irate, but he couldn’t tell what was being said. She made a gesture with her hands, indicating the man wouldn’t shut up, and they both laughed. This seemed to get the attention of the man on the phone, because he stopped ranting and called out her name. “I’m taking a personal day Frank. I don’t want to hear it. There is nothing pressing going on this week, and I haven’t taken a day off in almost a year. In fact, I won’t be in tomorrow either. I’ll see you on Monday.” She hung up the phone, cutting the man’s reply off.
She beamed at him, and he kissed her again, because he couldn’t do anything else. When he finally pulled away they were both out of breath again. “Sounds like you might get fired.”
“Not a chance, the CEO loves me, and I really haven’t had a day off in forever. Though that would make us quite a pair, since the fact that you’re standing here probably means you just lost your job.”
She slipped her arms around him, pulling herself tight to his body, and laid her cheek on his chest. He sighed and put his chin on top of her head. “Something like that.”
She looked up at him again, “Do you want to go to your place and get some things?”
He smiled at her, “Like what?”
She traced the cleft in his chin with her fingertip, until he tilted his head and kissed it. “I don’t know, overnight bag, clothes?”
He gave her a lingering kiss, “Do you think I need clothes?”
She laughed and he felt tears welling again, “Nah.” She slipped one arm around his waist, turned in the direction he’d come from, and they started walking.
He never got his job back, or got another one, and she didn’t care. She made more than enough to support them. It had never occurred to him, that he could be a house-husband, but it made him happy beyond his dreams. Alexandra also stopped working so hard and made sure she was home more, especially after they had their first baby, just short of a year later. He loved being a stay at home dad.
Their lives aren’t perfect; they have their fights and their problems, like everyone else. But just when things are getting really tense, and they feel like they’re going to fall apart, Alex will wake up, in the middle of the night, inexplicably unable to move her arms…
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